Yesterday I read a blog post, and I read so many that I don't even remember where I read it, but the writer talked about a weight being lifted off of her shoulders.
I felt it... it is me. Since letting go of this "baby making obsession" I have felt a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders.
My reactions to other are different now. Yesterday I was reading a blog post that was a pregnancy announcement. And for a tiny little second I felt it, that "everyone but me" feeling, but it was different. It wasn't like it had been in the past. Past pregnancy announcements from random Instagrammers, bloggers or friends would wreck me. As silly as it now seems... I took it personal. When all along I just needed to realize that no matter what I am experiencing other people are still going to get pregnant. Because it is natural... and it is how it is supposed to be. I am the odd one out... not the others.
Taking a step back from my "baby making obsession" has forced me to enjoy all of the things in my life I already have instead of longing for what I don't have. When I think back to those days when I was in the thick of the obsession... when I was in the aftermath of the miscarriage... when I was clearly depressed... I think and feel so much differently now. I am starting to really believe that if my life does not include another baby... then I am going to be okay. I just needed to step back from it all to see how great my life really is.
If you are new here you can read my story here.