Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Up Tight B!tch

"You're an up tight bitch".

It hurt.
It stung.
I didn't speak to him for a day.

I needed to hear it and he needed to say it.  I think was probably the most hurtful thing my husband has ever said to me, but it also saved our marriage.

My anger and bitterness from the infertility... from the loss of a pregnancy... had made me this way.  In my husband's exact words "It is driving a wedge between us". 

Truer words have never been spoken.
My response to him included  this: "I don't remember what my life was like before my every waking thought was about having a baby.  I don't know how to find my happy again with that one huge thing missing.  I like things to be planned out... and it is so hard for me that our "plan" failed".  
I can say that our marriage has drastically improved since this hard conversations that tumbled over into the next day, which was New Year's Eve.
Every single day since then has been better.
Some days are harder than others.  Some days I have to wipe away the tears and tell myself that it is going to be a good day.
I am so thankful things are better.  Things are good.  Our marriage and our family are both in a really great place.

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